the absolutely funniest site (as it relates to my life)...

www.meetted.com

i am loyal....

this is freaky...www.colorquiz.com

Your Existing Situation
Pursues her objectives and her own-self-interest with stubborn determination; refuses to compromise or make concessions.
Your Stress Sources
An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Willing to participate and to allow herself to become involved, but tries to fend off conflict and disturbance in order to reduce tension.
Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life. 
Your Desired Objective
Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself.
Your Actual Problem
Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She tries to escape by intense activity, directed either towards personal success or towards variety of experience.

just finished this...if you've seen 28 days later, quite a few parallels that i won't go into here...but society is society and humans do not function well under the blanket of fear.

what is the culmination of everything i've been doing lately...finding distractions to make me feel better.  i realize i need to get myself to the next level...whether that be grad school or my next level at work...or ???  i gotta stick w/ something and get good -- between working, reading, watching, volunteering...ahahahaha i need focus...

btw------------------------------believe this---------------------i got a freakin' raise at work!?!?? what the f***?  if you've followed my woeful tale of my uttermost disatisfaction with many-a-thing in life including my place of employment, this does not make sense.  i should also point out, if they have freakin' told me this was in the works (as it let on to be since the summer), I MIGHT BE A LITTLE FREAKIN' HAPPIER AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT CRAP...

so i find out from my b*tch of a boss and i know she's like, oh here's a surprise, now you must grovel at my feet and btw the way thanking me isn't enough, but i expect flowers and some sort of handmade seat warmer.  damnit and in the meantime all i wanna do is fine another freakin' company that's not gonna be underwater in a few years...

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeshshshhshshehshhehshhshshs

well, today was one of my least busiest days in my life and i only see it getting less busy from here...i'm in limbo so no new work is coming my way.

other than that...spent time at the mall - how does one drop 2 bennies without skipping a beat? talk about spoiled and mismanagement of fun.

i like to watch the rain droplets collect on the side of the car window. each drop builds up into tiny pools and eventually grow large enough to gain momentum at which point it slides down until it hits another pool, gaining even more girth and strength eventually racing down the glass until i see it no more...

the past is gone

sentimental is stupid

I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

im looking for a place
searching for a face
is anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
and everythigns a mess
and no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

and it begins again...why can't i get myself out of this black black hole...i made my life complicated...moreso than you could ever imagine and i'm afraid i can't break free...i am not as independent as i always front to be...i don't need this...i don't need this at all...do you understand?  i need to get past all this...i need to break free...and do away with it all...

don't attach yourself to anyone who shows you the least bit of attention because you're lonely

know yourself...know what you want

ugh ugh...am trying to keep myself good and above the line...i can't continue this path of unproductiveness.  i am so frustrated and upset at work...i gotta stop thinking about how depressed i am here...it affects everything else in my life...

i am too ambitious...

being aware is dangerous...

reason and thought will cause my demise...

(i am really too attached to his mood swings)

lost in translation hit too close to home

and even double wee hee!!! at central park last nite...

working where i work pays off a little...a little...

weeee at the 9:30 club last nite...